Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Life is complicated. Forms are more complicated.

So, ADHD is a bitch.  Getting meds for it is worse, apparently.  The doc gave me a script yesterday, and I dutifully dropped it off at a local pharmacy.  Came back to pick it up after doing the adult thing and buying groceries for the week, and turned out the doc had written the script wrong (that particular strength didn't come in "extended release" apparently).  So, got it switched out successfully today and dropped it back off by the pharmacy.  Went back to get it, only to find out that it wouldn't be ready for at least three days because the insurance requires pre-authorization.  *sigh*  Paperwork.  Don't they know that people with ADHD don't do paperwork?  Can't do paperwork?

I can barely function at a high enough level to go to the grocery store.  I used to wonder how I got into med school when I couldn't navigate the aisles at the local convenience mart.  I mean, there I am, list in hand, but no clue where to find ANYTHING that's on the list.  So I end up walking down each aisle anyway, scanning the rows for some visual clue to the location of the item for which I was so desperately searching.  And who exactly thought it was such a grand idea to have so many product choices?  It takes me 30 minutes to choose a breakfast cereal for the week!!  The choices are simply overwhelming.

Paperwork is also overwhelming.  Recently, I filled out an application for an apartment.  It was a physical strain to concentrate long enough to remember the information and put it in the correct blank.  I finished, sweating from the rigorous mental exertion, and handed it with a proud smile to the lady behind the desk.  The first apartment application I've filled out all by myself!!  I think I'm actually becoming a responsible adult!!  My ego was quickly crushed when the lady, her eyebrows cocked suspiciously, asked me in a withering voice to "Please, sign the application.  We canNOT process the application without your signature."

Life doesn't make a whole lot of sense sometimes.  I just don't understand how it is possible for me to function at such a high level during emergency situations and simultaneously fail so miserably at the things teenagers do without problem....for instance, I am ashamed to admit how long it took me to learn to write a personal check.

To this day, I hate going to a new restaurant because I don't know what to choose.  I also don't like going to parties.  I am best with one-on-one conversations, but I can successfully handle small groups...say, four individuals tops.  After that, I get so swamped by the multitude of conversations going on around me, I can't decide which to focus on, so I usually end up staring at the wall in panic, hoping someone will come rescue me and just tell me what to do.

*sigh*  "Responsible adulthood" still seems like such an unattainable dream.  Shoot, I can't even remember to turn off the stove.



  1. Hey, don't worry about not signing the application. I have done that too many times to count. I just sent off my passport application all in a sweat even after double checking it 20 times....and I still think i made some mistakes. Well actually 2 that I know of. now. too late to rescue. oh well. I will get it back in the mail. It will cost another $23 to send off again. *sigh*

  2. Nice. Now I can look on the bright side... it didn't cost me $23...?