Monday, August 30, 2010

Baby Rose!! ^_^

So a while back, like, this summer, my friend and I went for a hike on some DNR land.  Well...ok, technically we were going to pick blackberries.  Here's what happened.

Side note:  here is an example of how ADHD completely interferes with normal life.  I type the short paragraph above, then glance aimlessly at the shelf above my laptop as I am mentally arranging the berry-picking story.  Then I spy a bag of candies and I'm like "Ooooo!!  Chocolate!" and grab the bag.  Unfortunately, my impulsivity had already reduced this bag of chocolates to one candy.  Because I've only had the bag since Saturday's excursion to the grocery store, I am immediately stricken with guilt at consuming so much candy over the past two-and-a-half days.  I grudgingly toss the bag back upon the shelf.  Then I'm like, "Oooo!!  I'll make jello!!"  So I go to the kitchen and made jello (orange).  Then I realize that it will take 4ish hours to cool properly, but this is not acceptable.  I'm hungry and I want my snack now!  So I rip open a box of breakfast bars like a feeding she-bear, and pour myself a glass of tea.  I finally make it back to the laptop...but my 10-minute "study break" was over a long time ago.  *Sigh*  

I'll return to the berry-picking story at my next study break.


Sunday, August 29, 2010


"One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year."  -Albert Einstein

Yeah.  About that.  See, at one time I *loved* school.  When I was in undergrad, I took practice standardized tests for fun!!  (I already told you I was a nerd.)  Then came the MCAT.  I crammed so hard and was so stressed for that one exam that my psyche was permanently scarred.

I was waitlisted at first, and began grudgingly preparing to take the MCAT again.  But luckily, I was accepted and did not have to repeat the exam!  Imagine my excitement!

I was a fool.

Sorry to burst the bubbles of any pre-meds out there, but med school is hard.  And unforgiving.  And it doesn't care if you have ADHD and get distracted by shiny objects when you should be focusing on the pathways of lipid metabolism.    The entire first year, I felt as if I were drowning, and that every time I came up for a gasp of air, some exam would come batter me over the head until I was once again submerged and hopeless.

And you know what the worst part is?  You can't cry for help.  A drowning person can shout, and people will swiftly come to the rescue.  But in med school, if you say that you're struggling, the professors think that you're not trying hard enough and your classmates think you're stupid and then start talking behind your back.  "Did you hear about that Em?  She made a C on the last exam!!  haha, I haven't made lower than a 92 all year!  She must be stupid, those questions were easy!!"

But they don't know what it's like.   They can just sit down and study for four hours straight...and be really productive for four hours straight!  When *I* sit down to study for four hours, I usually get distracted after about 15 minutes.  Then a few minutes later I'll come to the sharp realization that I'm staring into space, bouncing up and down on my exercise ball, and not at all retaining information.  This cycle repeats itself ad nauseum.  They don't know what it's like to have to shove information into a brain that's behaving like a toddler being forced to eat Gerber's spinach + peaches + rice cereal.  It is so tiring, having to constantly fight mind and body to be still enough and focused enough to read through a lecture packet. 

Don't get me wrong...I still like learning, and I do find the human body fascinating.  It's just so hard to keep the pace expected by the professors.  And that engenders frustration and despair.

The sad thing is, I can't imagine doing anything else with my life.  While I'm sure I have the ability to be successful at almost any other career, I know I won't be happy doing anything else but medicine.  So I will continue to endure one soul-bashing exam after another until I get that damn MD, or die trying.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Day before Yesterday, I decided to relax for a few minutes and enjoy a lemonade Italian Ice while sitting in my chair outside on the patio.

Two things happened.
  1. I forgot to take the lid off and throw it away while I was still inside.
  2. I forgot that I tucked the lid behind me in the seat of my chair, and left the lid outside.
Yesterday, I decided to relax for a few minutes while sitting in my chair outside on the patio.

Two things happened.
  1. I forgot that I tucked the lid behind me in the seat of my chair, and I sat in my chair.
  2. ANTS!!!  Literally, in my pants.
Today, I've been killing ants all day long...I swear I shook my clothes out but apparently, not well enough!  Three in my bathroom earlier, one just now on my bed.  FML.



So, today is Tuesday.  2nd day of 2nd year.  Class wasn't too bad...actually I really like the prof doing the immunology lectures.  There should TOTALLY be a mandatory class for new-and-returning-med-school-lecturers that covers 1) How to prepare a handout, 2) How to make a powerpoint, and 3) How to make lecture interesting.  And, this immunology dude should TOTALLY teach it!!

Then, I came home because I don't have afternoon class today.  (We have "afternoon class" three days a week.  Yesterday, my friend and I were walking across campus discussing how the admissions office lured us in with statements like: "Oh, yeah, here at Medical College, we have class from 8-12am, so you have all afternoon to study!!"  And poor innocents that we were, we swallowed it, hook-line-and-sinker.  Well, I'm here to tell you that this was all LIES!!!  We have "mandatory group activities" from 1-5pm!!  Three days a week!!   I don't care what fancy label they plaster on the schedule, it's still class!!)

Where was I?  Oh yeah, I came home early because I don't have afternoon class today.  So then I was all:  "I'm gonna print off tomorrow's lecture packet and study and be prepared!" Some people call that "being a gunner."  I call it "sheer desperation."

So I logged on and downloaded the lecture packet and clicked print.  And Printer dutifully shot off a few pages...and then I heard the ominous beep. 

"Out of Paper"

Well, Printer was definitely NOT out of paper.  It was really a paper jam, but Printer was trying to shift the blame.  "Hey!  It's not my fault I can't print your stupid document!  You didn't feed me paper!!...oh...uh...just's uh...kinda stuck in my middle somewhere...."

 Not sure where I was going with that.  It sounded hilarious in my head when I started the story.

In other news, I'm really proud of myself for going to the gym before class, two days in a row.  :-)